What Mr. Jones Taught Me

I have a soft spot for old men. The men that just keep trudging on in life, doing their daily routine all day, everyday. Tonight, I had the privilege to talk to an old man who reminded me the importance of life.It went like this: I had volunteered to make phone calls thanking donors who had donated to my school. I really dislike talking on the phone, whenever I do, my brain stops working and the words I'm trying to say get stuck, mixed-up and jumbled in my mouth and come out in all kinds of ways. Thankfully, they give us a script, but to be honest...I still mess up quit a bit. Partly because it kills me to sound automatic and rehearsed, but whenever I try to stray....I get lost...really lost. But I press on and hope that my mistakes are minimal or unnoticeable. Toward the end of my list I called Mr. Jones (not his real name). The phone rang for an eternity, so I hung up. Later I tried him again, thinking he still wouldn't answer, but in about three rings I heard a voice on the other side of the phone. "Hello" "Hi, is this Mr. Jones?" "I guess so." This answer made me laugh out loud. I gave him my scripted spiel and when i stopped....silence. I wondered if he was still there when suddenly he hear, "Hallelujah!" "Praise God!" I started laughing and was kinda taken aback. I had had similar responses, but nothing so excited as this one. Mr. Jones went on to talk a little bit and the I started to say goodbye. But before I could hang up he asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I laughed. Really?? He gave me some advice, I thanked him, and began my goodbye again. He said goodbye, then "how many brothers and sisters do you have?" I felt my heart break...this guy was lonely. We continued to chat, well he talked, I just started saying yes, uh huh, and so on. But every so often he would say goodbye, and then begin a new subject. I learned that he had lost his wife to cancer, and that he was ready to go home too. We finally said goodbye, after he told me to stop by anytime....(Why not?) I hope that I was able to give Mr. Jones a little joy today, but in reality, he taught me no much in those few minutes. I was reminded that people are lonely. Lots of people just want to be loved, to know that they are loved, to have a conversation with someone real, another person who has feelings, can sympathize, and have a face-to-face conversation with and person who can laugh with them, cry with them, and walk with. So many times, I feel sorry for myself, I'm lonely and no one wants to be with me/talk to me/ I don't want to bother anyone. The best cure for this is to stop being self-centered and go find someone who is in the same situation. Get the focus off you!

Out of My Own Mouth

Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Everyone has these moments....I'm sure that I have them more than the average person, however. The moment when we open our mouths and say something that immediately you wonder why on earth you even said that. Well, this incident was no exception. I was telling a friend about an acquaintance who I had observed things in this person's life that I did not find appealing and beautiful about this person. The words I used were not the nicest words either, and I was a little surprised at myself for voicing such strong feelings toward someone I didn't really even know. To my surprise and shock, I listened as my friend continued to verify my thinking and bash this person. I felt terrible. The more she spoke, the more awful I felt. Why did I even bring that up? And what do I say now that I was the one who started the conversation, but was feeling convicted even at that moment for being harsh and unloving of this person? Yeah, we had legitimate reasons to be upset at this person's conduct, but I for sure am not better than this person. I sat there for a minute in shock, my words had not only been unnecessary, but had triggered more unnecessary, hurtful, and potentially harmful words that never should have been said. In today's society, we often talk about people and justify it with phrases such as "I shouldn't say this but...", "Well, it's true!", "....bless their heart." and "Well they deserve it", but this is ridiculous. We are trying to make ourselves look better yet the words coming out of our mouths are doing the exact opposite they are shaping what others think of us. While reflection on this incident, I think the thing that struck me most was the fact that MY words, let to more words. Those words weren't mine, but I felt responsible in some way for bringing them on. What we say, impacts others even when we don't realize it.That is why we need to guard our hearts, for the purity of our hearts determines the words that come out. Apparently, I need to be spending some time in the Word, because my words saddened me today, and they sadden God too.

Letters of Encouragement

This week I was cleaning out my room trying to make room for my new roommate. I found a letter from an old friend. Old is used in both ways because he is an old man and I've known him since 3rd grade. He and his wife have become another set of grandparents ever since they started giving my mom stuff to help out with the afternoon kids club we had at our church that year. We continue to visit them, and even have our own little Christmas together. He regularly sends me the bulletin he gets from church, which I usually put in a pile of "read eventually" so that I don't feel bad throwing them away. My favorite is when he send me actual hand written notes. He usually will just write popular phrases, or Bible verses, but sometimes he will add his own original thoughts. I always read them right away, secretly hoping there will be direction for what to do with the current problem I'm struggling through. When I was cleaning out my drawer the other day I found one of these letters. I opened it to read it, and this caught my eye.

Trust all is well. The question, "where is God when it hurts?" the answer is the same. The place he was when Jesus His Son died on the cross. When we are hurting when we are questioning when we are in a place of difficulty, He is on the throne.

This took be a little by surprise. At that moment I was hurting and questioning, but this placed everything a new light. God is in heaven, and has it under control. But beyond my hurt, I was amazed at how God had placed this on my friends heart to write that day, and he had no idea what was going on in my life at the time. That realization was almost more humbling than the words written. This friend is a true friend. He prays for me, sends encouragement and is faithful, when I on the other hand, hardly take the time to read his encouraging notes. I am so thankful for him and his faithfulness to the Lord. He is a great example in my life, and one day I hope I can encourage others as he does. God is on His throne. I have nothing to fear. I've set my heart to walk with Him today. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a letter to write.

New Year New Resolutions Part II

I have another goal, and I think it's going to be a good one. Yesterday in church my pastor started a sermon series on 2Peter and Jude. In 2 Peter 1:5-8 it says:

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Bam! Right there in front of me was a perfect goal for the new year. I've decided to study what each of these things are and what it looks like to add them to each other. I think it will be sorta fun. By doing this I hope I can become an effective and fruitful follower of Christ.

New Year New Resolutions

Happy 2013!! Looking back at 2012 it was not the year I was expecting. I had so many hopes, dreams and expectations that did not become reality in 2012 that I'm tempted to just not make any resolutions or goals for the next year. I mean, what's the point if they don't happen anyway?? Of course this is a selfish and pessimistic view, and God taught me a lot about trusting and depending on Him over this past year, which I hope will one day be worth the pain. Therefore, I have decided to overlook the disappointing year behind and enter the new year ahead. I am not going to go over the top though, and I only have a couple of new goals: 1. Consistent blogging and journaling. My life is passing me by! I want to remember it. 2. Memorizing Scripture. This has been a thing that I have always been telling myself that I need to do. However, I am terrible at memorizing. I hate it, it takes me a long time, it's hard. These, of course, are all poor excuses, hence why it's time. I', not sure where I'm going to start yet, but I'm leaning towards Romans 12. I'll probably make more as the year progresses, but this is a start.

AWOL

I don't know why I continue to do this. My journal is the same way. I get the urge to write. Write. Get my thoughts out. When I am alone and I have to vent what do I do? Write. Just put myself out there spill it all. I feel better. Then....when I don't need to anymore I stop. For days weeks and sometimes months there is no trace of my life. Until once again the cycle repeats itself. I made it through the summer, and would like to say that I'm a different person. Stronger, more mature and independent, more deeply in love with God...but to be honest. I'm not sure that I am.I thought I was. Then I was pushed down on my backside. Dazed, confused, shocked...how did I get here? What did I do?? I thought I was living my life right, why do I feel so unsettled? Where is the peace? I'm not throwing my faith away. I'm not even tempted to. I just am disappointed in myself. I can do nothing good apart from Christ, and it seems I've got a little ways to go to be back in His will. He is gracious though, and slow to anger. Though if I were Him, I'd have had a few things to say to myself. Thankfully though, He is patient and loving and is continuing to guide my life.

Long Summer Ahead

I'm doing something new this summer. I'm living in Omaha. Well, not exactly Omaha, but Fort Calhoun. A small town about 20 miles north of Omaha. The reason I chose to do something different this summer was all wrapped around one person. My boyfriend. I looked for jobs and housing and tried to line it all up before I told him. Well, one day when it looked like it might not happen, I told him. He then quickly helped me to plan the next three months of my life.It was great. Everything went smoothly for the first couple of weeks. I got to go home and visit, start one of my jobs and hang out with my friends. Then it happened....we broke up. It wasn't a terrible break-up or anything. It was just one of those relationships where it wasn't going to work. However, I now, have pretty much no reason to stay in Omaha, save my job commitments. I've been lonely, and on my recent visit home, I wanted nothing more than to just stay home, where I belonged. Yet, through out this series of unfortunate events, I have been learning. I don't want to say that this is the place God wanted me, because I really don't know that He did. I was hasty in my decisions and did not seek His guidance in the situation. But He is using this time to teach me so much! I could never imagine how lonely or how much I relied on the company of my boyfriend. This is a good thing in most circumstances, but in mine it was not. I was too focused on my future, that I was not investing in my present. I see that now, even though it is too late, I can still continue on. Even though I'd rather be almost anywhere than here, I know that I can still learn from my situation and must continue on in the path I have chosen. But believe me, I'm so thinking twice before I make plans based on a young man again... ;)