AWOL

I don't know why I continue to do this. My journal is the same way. I get the urge to write. Write. Get my thoughts out. When I am alone and I have to vent what do I do? Write. Just put myself out there spill it all. I feel better. Then....when I don't need to anymore I stop. For days weeks and sometimes months there is no trace of my life. Until once again the cycle repeats itself. I made it through the summer, and would like to say that I'm a different person. Stronger, more mature and independent, more deeply in love with God...but to be honest. I'm not sure that I am.I thought I was. Then I was pushed down on my backside. Dazed, confused, shocked...how did I get here? What did I do?? I thought I was living my life right, why do I feel so unsettled? Where is the peace? I'm not throwing my faith away. I'm not even tempted to. I just am disappointed in myself. I can do nothing good apart from Christ, and it seems I've got a little ways to go to be back in His will. He is gracious though, and slow to anger. Though if I were Him, I'd have had a few things to say to myself. Thankfully though, He is patient and loving and is continuing to guide my life.